This morning, for the 3rd straight day, I earned an age of 26 in my Wii Sports Fitness test. There is no coincidence, there is no mistake: the Wii knows how old I am.

I turned 26 in December and I’ve gotten 26s a few times since getting a Wii. Those were mere coincidences, separated by days and weeks by 20s, 30s and 40s. Now, however, the game has zeroed in on my and triangulated by exact age.

How can this be possible? Am I really playing like a 26 year old? What does that even mean?

I might have to stick to the Kelorometer in WarioWare if this disturbing behavior continues. Wario keeps mocking me for being too skinny, so I think I can trust him. For the moment, anyway.

Edit: Embedding videos into this WordPress editor is nigh impossible, but this DIFFERENT video might make the source reference for this post’s title more accessible to the common man.

I know that several of my esteemed colleagues attended (or at least were enrolled in) a Slavic literature class in college that, if memory serves, was mostly about vampire mythos.  I think, therefore, that you gentlemen may be something of an expert panel on this subject.

First of all, is there any particular reason stakes through the heart must be wood?  If so, what is the reason and are there any specific requirements on the kind of wood?  Oak, cedar, cherry wood?

In the Blade movie series (and presumably the comics books on which they were based) silver is used in Blade’s sword and bullets.  The silver katana is a significant improvement over the wooden stake for close quarters combat, but I do not think silver is a universal vampire bane.  In general, are silver weapons the gold standard for slaying them?

If not, could pertrified wood be sharpened to a point and edge so that a sword – essentially a stone sword – could be used for both stabbing and slashing at vampires?  Ignore the brittleness of the petrified wood and assume it could be reinforced.  I am mostly concerned with others discussions on the potency of petrified weapons.

Merry Xmas, mother-fuckers! I’m writing this from 2007, so if you’re still kicking it in 2k6 you ought to get your ass up here.

I got a special gift from this chick named Wendy’s today (quick fact: Wendy’s's dad is a high school dropout, rich, and dead) and I thought I’d share the story with the world. I have to set this up by providing the dialog from my stop at the drive thru. I suppose I don’t have to, but it’s for the best. Trust me.

Important facts: the #2 is the double cheeseburger combo and the #4 is the bacon double cheese or some such.
(Note: all quotes from the Speaker are paraphrased because I can’t understand a fucking thing that comes out of there)

Speaker: May I take your order please?
Me: Give me (ed. note: not very polite, am I?) a number two with root beer to drink and yoghurt for the side.
[silence - it was very suspenseful]
Speaker: OK, bacon double cheeseburger with root beer-
Me: No, the number two. The double-
Speaker: You want a number four?
Me: TWO.
Speaker: With Coke to drink? [at this point they have already entered Root Beer and it is on the drive thru sign LED screen]
Me: Root Beer.
Speaker: And you wanted chili instead of the fries?
Me: No, yoghurt.
Speaker: OK, that’ll be $4.98, please pull around.

You can imagine my shock and awe when I got back to my office, opened the bags, took a look and found everything I ordered. They got my order perfectly right after all that? Simply put: an everyday Miracle. Makes me want to take back all those bad things I said about everyone and everything ever.

So right now you’re thinking “The big gift was getting his order right?” Wrong. That would have been a lame story and I wouldn’t have any pictures for a boring post like that.

Hold on a second, I’m finishing my burger. It’s good. I haven’t had a burger in a while and that was one tasty burger! It may have been two tasty burgers; I’m not really up on the MLA rules for writing about double patty burgers.

The surprise that that ginger-haired lass had in store for me was this:

“What is it,” you ask, “that I’m looking at in these pictures?” It’s a salad container with tomatoes and pickles in it. I didn’t ask for it and my sandwich came with ‘maters and ‘ckles so I can’t really speak intelligently about these lil’ guys, but I did make a sandwich out of them and some leftover crackers from the chili I got last week.

Anti-climactical, yes, but well worth the 15 seconds it took to read, eh? You’re welcome.