The above title is generally an homage to the high price paid for our American freedom by our soldiers through the years. I’m not taking away from that, but I’d like to attack the quote from a different angle and propose a reversal of that American axiom.

Freedom isn’t free; you pay taxes for it.

Here’s some knowledge:

• all adult American citizens are entitled to American freedom
• all adult American citizens are required to pay taxes
• failing to pay taxes ensures rapid loss of freedom (ie. jail-time)

Therefore:

All Americans citizens who pay taxes have American freedom.

Supplemental:

• children Americans don’t pay taxes
• children Americans aren’t truly free (forced education; smoking, drinking, driving, porn bans)

So there you have it, freedom isn’t free and the IRS will be happy to tell you exactly how much it costs. But my train of thought has switched tracks now and I’d like you to come on a detour with me.

Tax breaks. Whadupwidat?

If, as I have outline, paying taxes directly corresponds to having freedom, then perhaps we should change this black & white issue to a grayscale. I would propose that enjoying tax breaks costs you freedom. Cut 100% of taxes, lose 100% of freedom. Take a 20% tax break, lose 20% of freedom. The right to vote, or drive a car, or reproduce perhaps.

How do you like that? You apply for a 5% Off tax break program and sign away your right to breed for the next year. Fuck up and get knocked up? That’ll be the 5% you owe plus that much again as a penalty!

Don’t plan on voting in the next election? Sign up for a 2% break and make your apathy reap dividends!

The rich can have all the freedoms they want while the poor keep what little money they are allotted but become 2nd (or 3rd, 4th… 37th) class citizens.

Speaking of the rich, let’s dig up some new freedoms for our trust fund babies and dotcom billionaires to enjoy! Want to drive under the influence? That’ll cost you, and I have a handy pamphlet here outlining the different plans and payment options. Want to drive 120MPH on coke in a Hummer? Cha-ching! Your taxes just paid for a new elementary school!

And hell, while we’re dishing out freedoms for cold, hard cash, let’s restart that foundation of America: indentured servitude! We’re halfway there already, so let’s just turn the INS into a Work-For-Greencards service. Do your mandatory 2 years (+1yr for each child you want to bring into the country) and you can stay (and pay taxes [or not!]) forever and a be Real American Citizen®!

Welcome to the New America, friends!  We accept all major passports, including Visa, Mastercard and American Express!

So I missed the Academy Awards last night, but during my recent business travels I actually met an Oscar nominee. He didn’t win. But he is more like us – would rather wear jeans, t-shirt and scruffy shoes than one of those curve hugging red dresses or tailor made tuxedoes.

Irregardless, I thought it would be appropriate for us to have our own Tiny Goscars Awards – so without further ado, here folks are the categories — their actual nominees are thereby disqualified (according to Rule43, TinyGods Law Section 37):

Feel free to add your own categories, I took out some of the less interesting ones like “Best Makeup and Original Score”

Performance by an actor in a leading role
Performance by an actor in a supporting role
Performance by an actress in a leading role
Ellen Page in “Juno” (Fox Searchlight) – CAN WE RECONSIDER THIS FOR HER TICTAC STUNT?
Performance by an actress in a supporting role
Best animated feature film of the year
Best documentary feature
Best motion picture of the year
Best animated short film
Best live action short film
Best Original screenplay
Also, did anyone notice that B.S. wasn’t there? hehe

Dear SUBWAY®:

Please leave the preparation and serving of Beef Brisket (AKA BBQ Beef Brisket) to the Professionals, such as City BBQ and Smokey Bones.  I am confident they will leave untouched the realm of processed meats and cheeses, so you could have the common decency to leave unsullied the Lord of Beef: Brisket.

Thank you for your cooperation.

Sincerely,

Matt

This post is focused on the local FOX affiliate (which is also WSYX-TV, ABC 6, for some fucking reason) but I’ve got to fill in the background by discussing the nationwide Superbowl broadcast by NFL on FOX.

NFL football games are scheduled for 3 hours and usually run between 2:30 to 3:30 in length. The Superbowl was scheduled for a 3:30 slot followed by a 0:30 post game show (brought to you by Cadillac, featuring – I shit you not – a Cadillac logo superimposed over a Cadillac logo)

———-

OK, so that’s as far as I got into the post before Rick in the programming department at WTTE/WSYX returned the voicemail rant I left for him. So all the vitriol has been drained and they are out of the Hall of Shame before they were officially inducted – probationarily!

Here’s what happened in short:

• NFL on FOX blasted us with 4 hours of “after the Superbowl, tune in for an All New House Event!”
• We tuned in for House M.D., which was all-new, though more of an Episode than an Event IMO
• roughly 10 seconds before the end of the episode they cut away mid-conversation to the FOX 28 newscast at 11

That pissed me off. I could care less about House, but I only watched because:

1. House is a funny dude
2. Mira Sorvino is sexy
3. FOX told me to so often that I literally could not resist

So after just 4 hours of brainwashing I became one of FOXs herd and was rewarded with a truncated program. Now, if you know me you will be saying to yourself “Oh, he must have gone apeshit over that trivial little nothing!” and you’d be right. Righteous Indignation, thy name is Matt!

Today I called up WTTE and left a message with the programming department telling them what they did and why it pissed me off and also that I would never watch House or their news broadcast again.

Then Rick gave me a call and explained things.  He said we only missed 10 seconds and the next ep preview (no biggie, I don’t like those either) and he seemed to imply that had it been longer than that they would have done something different (or at least been “REALLY sorry”).  He explained the problem as being an automation glitch related to the nationwide affiliate upgrade to all HD broadcasts.  New tools, new problems (same as the old problems).

He sounded genuinely sorry (and encouraged more calls to come in and have it explained as opposed to warding off potential calls) and it really and truly sounds like they are on top of it and are working on fixing the problems.  They have had problems like this recently (due to the HD rollout) but they expect it to get better shortly.

Here’s the kicker that actually got them out of the HoS: they rebroadcast the last 15 seconds of House (sweet!) with an apology (aww, how sweet) and the next episode preview (dolla dolla bill$ y’all!) later in the offending newscast.

Problem not solved, but at least it’s been addressed.

PS fuck you, corporate sponsors! you aren’t as necessary as you think

Weeds is set to start production in April with season 4 being released sometime this summer.