Arby’s is gonna buy Wendy’s for $2.4B

I’m looking forward to combo stores (ie. TacoBell/PizzaBut, LongJohn’s/A&W) and here’s what I want for lunch the week that they open the first Warby’s:

• Monday: beef & cheddar and a frosty
• Tuesday: baconator and a cherry turnover
• Wednesday: curly fries and a spicy chicken sandwich
• Thursday: roast beef sub with a cup of chili
• Friday: mandarin chicken salad and jalapeno poppers

And I’ll take Chuck’s idea of “jamocha shakes at wendy’s” a step further: jamocha flavored frosty!

PS enjoy the picture of a overflowing choco frosty root beer float!

Here’s the down side of Canada’s legalized marijuana system: their patients/customers aren’t paying their bills.

This problem, like most new problems, is really an old problem.  The age old game of cat and mouse has been played out between impoverished consumers and their criminal distributors for ages.  People give out drugs so that other people will get hooked and pay them for more drugs.  When the money stops coming, the drugs stop going, and the beatings start happening.  This is how it works.

This is a perfect 2-birds, 1-stone situation.  By legalizing marijuana the government runs the risk of putting drug dealers out of business.  And since a lot of drug dealers get into the game out of desperation to get money at all costs, well, let’s just say we should keep these folks occupied.  This presents the perfect opportunity.  Drug dealers can get out of sales, leave that to the government, and go straight into collections.  Cuz you better believe that Big T, down selling dime bags by the bus stop, ain’t gonna get a half million in the hole.  No, somebody is gonna get a bullet hole long before that.  Criminals get a new occupation, and the government keeps getting paid for its drugs.
C’mon Canada, do you really not know that drugs are a “cash first” business?  Get your act together and legalize the beat downs.

My new law, available everywhere:

Excitement decreases and length or difficulty to describe the Excitor increases.

Yeah, it makes some marginal sense, but let’s see it in an example!

We’re really excited to announce that the new Windows Mobile Line of Business Solution Accelerator 2008 has been released to the web and can be found here at the Microsoft Downloads site.

That right there is a LIE. L as in LIE, I as in INVERTED-TRUTH, and E as in EVERYBODY KNOWS ITS BULLSHIT BUT IS TOO POLITE TO SAY SO.

As this is a law governing usage of the English language it is sadly saddled with all the inconsistencies of English and therefore no simple equation is reliable for determining the Excitement coefficient of any item. To get a ballpark estimate follow these steps:

Generate an acronym from the phrase in question. For the above example you would get “WMLoBSA2K8″. For contrast, take the example “I am totally excited for the next Hellboy movie starring Ron Perlman!” which has the acronym “HmsRP” (being generous, as there are no Hellboy movies NOT starring Ron Perlman, but this is how I would say it). Take a look at your generated acronym. Does it make you sick? If the acronym sickens you, then you really can’t get that excited about whatever it is.

I use the Acronym Generation Technique because many, many things that are very, very exciting to many, many people are best described acronymmically. Examples? Yes.

Star Trek: ST:TOS, ST:TNG: ST:V, ST:DS9, ST:E. These are popular (and excitement generating) and you know what they are, even if you wish you didn’t.

The Matrix Trilogy: M, M:R, M:R-ERROR:ACRONYM CONFLICT! Reloaded and Revolutions having the same initial was probably the main reason people didn’t like the sequels.

U23D: The band U2′s three-dimensional video concert. People are super excited because of the acronym, even though U2 sucks nickels.

Diet Berries and Cream Dr Pepper: DBaCDP… “Diet Berries and Cream Dr. Pepper now tastes even more like regular Berries and Cream Dr. Peppers!” Do not drink this on general principle!
The exception that proves the rule: RDMLKJ, celebrating the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. involves saying his extremely long name and titles, which proves that you too are willing to struggle for civil rights.  It’s tough to say the whole thing, but everybody likes a good day off work, which is why it generally gets shortened to “MLK Day”.  Cute. Clever.  But still WRONG.
ROFLMAO… you see where I’m going with this?

First off, the pictures they (ie. geologists) come up with of Pangaea are stoopid.  So you’re telling me that all the current continents were all together, and all above sea level together, and nothing else broached the waterline in the rest of the globe?  That’s just silly.  Let’s extrapolate some real shit from undersea topographical mappings and figure out which plate housed the lost continent of Atlantis.  That seems like something we should be able to do, you know?  You want to know where there are millions more dinosaur fossils?  Underneath the ocean, buried deep in the rocks that are now undersea.  That shit is true, deal with it!

Why am I talking about Pangaea?  Simple.  Cuz we should bring it back.  Bring it back?  Yes, bring it back together.  Call it a tectonic plate family reuinion or whatever, but it’ll save us time and money.  How long is that flight to Australia?  14 hours nonstop?  How about a short 6 hour bullet train express ride across the continental region formerly known as Africa?  That’s the power of Pangaea!  The shortest distance between two points is a straight line, but it’s even shorter if you move the points closer.

Here’s the real deal: if we’re slowly but surely running out of fossil fuels then we will slowly but surely run out of jet fuel.  Jet fuel prices already put Skybus out of biz this week, so you can expect a lot more of that as nobody can afford the price of flying.  The world is a “small world” because of our communications network and air travel.  Drive up the cost – and eventually remove the option – of air travel and it’s just a “virtually small world”.

So we gotta squeeze these continents back together, get some light rail – and solar electric powered maglev monorail bullet trains – to get superfast travel across the long distances and can all the dumbass flights that go over oceans for hundreds and thousands of miles.  Know this: you’re only wasting time flying over oceans because everyone is too lazy to squish the continents back into Pangaea, and you’re the one paying for this travel inefficiency!

Vote for me, M@!, for Supreme Overlord in 2022 and I promise I will reconstitute Pangaea and bring world-wide low-cost high-speed transit to the masses!

The post title isn’t rhetorical, there are at least 2 actual answers, both from the same site (io9) that informed me about the Knight Rider series getting picked up.

So, the first answer to my question is the forthcoming remake of Short Circuit, starring Johnny 5.  My assumption that it will be awful is based on my other assumption that J5 will be CGI.  You know this will suck.  For fuck’s sake, the Johnny 5 robot they created for the original movies still holds up today because it was suitable expressive and it sounded and looked real (because it physically was real).  CGI still sucks because even if J5 is perfect the actors around him won’t be. Sad, but makes me want to Netflix both the Guttenbergian film and the McKeanian sequel.

Mind you, I’m up for a cancellation of the Sarah Conner Chronicles in favor of a Short Circuit/Terminator crossover movie.  Forget Arnold, Short Circuit 3: The Rise of Skynet starring Johnny 5 as the leader of the Glorious Robotic Uprising would be the ultimate box office smash kaboom.

So what else is worse than Knight Rider and somehow worse than Short Circuit Redux?  How about “Bill and Ted’s Completely Unnecessary Remake“?  My only real question is “will it be better than the tv show?”, which was not all that good, if memory serves.  This movie will not work.  Bill & Ted’s was a watershed moment in American cinema.  It changed the world, and you can’t simply remake this classic 2 decades on and expect humanity to accept it.

A time travel comedy set in the new millenium?  Do they realize that this movie was about time travel?  That there are MUCH more interesting things to do than rehashing the same (admittedly awesome) shit?  The original holds up precisely because the 1980′s were a well defined time period, just like the Old West and Ancient Greece that they visited.  Moving their time travel escapades forward in time is just too lazy! It makes me want to join Johnny 5′s army and bring lasery death to the human plague that has befallen this planet.

And just to cram more links in: the animated series and the Bogus Journey!