I forbade one of my roommates from purchasing bottles of water at the Kroger yesterday.  $1 for a 6 pack of 8oz bottles is pretty good, right?  No, it’s just good relative to $2 for a 6 pack fo 8oz bottles.  Seeing this shit today makes me feel like a Good Person and so I will continue to stop people from buying bottled water.  I don’t care what you spend your money on, just don’t spend it on fucking bottled water.  Not because it’s safer, not because it tastes better, and certainly not because it’s a good deal.

So, no more bottled water, ever.  Tap water in a water bottle.  Tap water filtered through a Brita water pitcher if you’re anal about it, which I am (I just like to keep it refriedgerated!). These are acceptable.  Get a Nalgene bottle and go to town!
Finally, the cyclical nature of trends is working to our advantage and it’s becoming cool to NOT drink bottled water.  Hoo-fucking-ray, I am excited by a return to common sense.  If I catch you buying bottled water I may spit in your face.  But it’ll be a good deal; my spit is free.

Back in the olden days, it was not uncommon for travelers to meet on the road and stop to chat. They would share recent news and gossip, maybe ask for directions, and then part ways. Maybe, if the two knew each other well, they’d inquire about family members and the like. This was perfectly fine in the olden days. Those travelers were on foot, or possibly horseback. When they stopped to talk, other travelers had the options to stop and join in or to go around and continue walking.

Modern travelers are in cars. Many roads are specifically designed to prevent other drivers from passing stopped cars. This is because it is not customary for one to stop their car in the middle of the road to speak with somebody in another car in another lane.

We all get excited when we see our friends out on the road. It may be difficult to supress the urge to talk to them immediately. Fortunately, we live in an era where communication over long distances is quite simple. Next time you see a friend on the road while you’re driving, make a mental note to call them on the phone once you reach your destination. Don’t signal for them to stop and have a conversation in the middle of the road, especially when you are turning through an intersection at the time. The people behind you have places to go.

After Pasty pointed out that we have been taking you mortals to school for two years, I decided that we should get a new project going. The result is the Tiny Godcast! What could be more interesting than listening to your favorite Tiny Gods talk about random things?!? (Answer: nothing.)

Included in this package:

• Sullivan gets up close and personal with an armadillo.
• ditcy came back to be our best friend!
• Invisible jets are stupid.
• Chuck effortlessly wins some WoW:TCG matches.
• Pasty has an epically silent battle with his microphone!
• Geeks like to play games.
• In a world where you can do anything, Mandrake prefers to do nothing.

But that’s not all! There are super bonus special guests and surprises around every turn. Download now! tiny-godcast-ep01.mp3

Special thanks go out to Sullivan for editing this bad boy. So what do you all think? Is this something you’d like to hear more of?

Bonus Challenge: Count how many times I say “um,” “uh,” or “like.” First person to post an official count in the comments is the winner.

Have you ever just been sitting around, talking about someone with some friends, and thinking, man, it’s been quite awhile since I’ve seen that person, I wonder what they are up to these days. So you get in touch, have lunch or something, maybe relive some of the good old days. Eventually though, you end up drifting apart again, and remember why you went your separate ways in the first place. I’m in the process of reliving the good old days, and will see how long we can go before parting ways yet again. But Chuck, who could this old friend from the past be? (more…)

I have a question, and I’d like to crowdsource the answer.  Discuss, debate, do give me a fucking answer (alliteration).

Is there any way to explicitly utilize crowdsourcing without being completely shameless?

Srsly, can you possibly say “do my fucking work for me so I can get rich quick” without alienating the people you need to do your work? Maybe this technique of declaring your own laziness and buzzword aptitude should be call “crowdpissing” instead, since you’re just taking a leak on your internet “fans”.  I hate smug internet pricks (even the ones with RSS feeds I subscribe to).

Today I took a trip down to the land of Cincinnati to take part in a ‘sneak preview’ event for the next set in the WoW TCG. I was hoping to fare better in this event, compared to the regionals, since you are given 6 packs of cards, and that’s all you have to build your deck from. I got myself up at about 6:30 this morning, met up with another of the players from the local shop, and we made the 2 hour trip down the highway to cincibilly. (more…)

I’ll try not to violate my self-imposed BS ban, but I’ve got a few unkind words that are driven by a related subject.

Google News lists the top headline stories from english speaking news sources.  Based on popularity of the articles they are automatically promulgated to the top of the heap: the front page.  The best of the best.  In other words, when I see the headline “Friends and Family: Jamie Lynn Will Be a ‘Great Mom’” I know for a fucking fact that thousands if not millions of lobotomized bastards are reading this tripe with interest.  They are soaking it up and drinking it down.  This horseshit stew is actually making money for people who get paid to report junk often referred to as “news”.

Here’s the braindump I assaulted Chuck with upon noticing the above headline:

“oh really? the untalented sibling of a has-been entertainer got knocked up and the people closest to her are unwilling to say anything bad about her to the national media, who, for some reason, actually give a shit about ANY of it???”

That’s how I feel.  I feel like the media has let me down by providing this as an option for your reading enjoyment, but I am most disappointed by YOU (if you in fact read this article or even suffered a twinge of interest at the prospect of learning more about the subject).  You fucking dirtbag know-nothing assclowns are paying attention to GARBAGE.  There are FAKE NEWS stories on the FAKE RADIO in the FAKE CITY of Liberty City in GTA4 of FAR more importance than that garbage.

I am about to make a bold statement and you can take it personally if you like.  It’s not a statement I’m going to retract EVER and, if anything, should make you reconsider your life if you find it at all offensive.

If you care one iota more about Jamie Lynn Spears baby than any other baby ever, then you should die.

What I mean (for undoubtedly those of you who I am offending are complete retards of the highest calibur and will need further explanation) is that if you care about that bitch’s baby more than, say, some random baby you see being drug down the firearms aisle as WalMart, then you are a BAD PERSON and should be removed from the gene pool and the general populace.  If you are more interested in finding out more information about THAT particular baby than that kid you saw on a leash in the airport last month, then there is something very WRONG with YOU.

Do you want to know why?  The answer is written on a small piece of paper, not unlike a fortune cookie, and stashed inside your skull.  Crack it open and read it, you gibbering idiot.

So today, while on campus waiting to go to my class which had been canceled with no notice, and while not getting paid for the work I could have been doing had I known my class was canceled, I decided to check my email. Among the many unread messages, a few caught my eye. My Mac Book wass repaired and being sent back to me – Great! My class was canceled…not so great! And there was also a crime alert announced, as some poor girl had her car stolen right out of a University parking lot. So sad.

Until I read the entire description of the crime. She had pulled up to a parking meter, exited her vehicle while it was still running and left the door wide open while inserting change into said meter. Somewhere in between A and B two “black males” jumped into her vehicle and drove off with it. They didn’t approach the girl at all, there was no interaction between them whatsoever. They saw someone being really stupid, and they being of fine opportunistic stock leapt at the freebie set before them.

This girl certainly isn’t alone in her stupidity. I myself have born witness to running vehicles with open doors, and had to beat back the urge to just joyride for a block and leave the car unharmed in a parking lot somewhere. Sure, that choice to NOT do that is the line between right and wrong, but I don’t have any sympathy for people too dumb to take precautions on a campus in which multiple thefts/muggings have occurred. Only one of these crimes is punishable by the law, but I hope that the ‘victim’ has learned her lesson.

GoDaddy just auto-renewed the domain and hosting for the next year, so rest assured that TinyGods will be here at least for another 12 months.  I’m surprised it’s been 2 years since this site got started.  It’s good to see Mandrake and Sullivan back as well as Kjeldor posting more regularly.  I hope some other gods join the fray (eg. Clay) and we can have another fun year of being the undisputed greatest website on the internet.

I was going to post some stats but I can’t find any interesting ones.  In summary, we’re seeing 5k-6k page requests and about 700 unique IPs a month.  It’s been tough, but we’ve fought the system and refrained from selling out for the 2nd straight year.  Pat yourselves on the backs, gods.

Keep posting!  I need something to read while I’m at work…

I’ve been having a lot of trouble with my laptop over the past few weeks, and I just got it fixed up at the end of last week. I figured that you all might want to know how a powerful Tiny God such as myself approaches technical issues.

I have two Thinkpads. My R51 is, for the most part, dead. Whenever it is left on for more than a few minutes, I get a BSoD and have to power it down and leave it off for a while. I’m assuming there are cooling issues, but I’m too lazy to do anything about it since I hardly use it.

My other Thinkpad is an X41 Tablet. I like that one. It’s my baby. So I’m sure you can imagine that I was quite upset when the same problem began to occur on that machine. Leaving it running for more than 10 minutes or so was causing blue screens, and the same thing happened when it came out of stand-by mode. As I’d do anytime I encountered a blue screen, I cussed loudly and powered the machine down.

I recently began using my tablet PC more often, so these frequent errors started to get on my nerves. I decided that it was time to reload Windows to see if that would help. I started going through all of my files to see what needed to be backed up to my desktop, and I went through all of my applications to see what I’d need to download and reinstall.

As I was looking through my files, I made a discovery. The solution to my problem became obvious. I opened up my display properties, hit the screen saver tab, and disabled this.

I had installed it many months ago and totally forgotten about it. The best part is that when I installed it, I thought it was the funniest thing ever. I figured people would see my idle laptop on my desk at work and say “Oh no, your laptop crashed,” and I’d be all like, “PSYCH! It’s just a screen saver, dumbass!”

I guess I figured out who the real dumbass is.