This headline is not referring to an extension to the length of the smoking bans, for they exist in perpetuity, but for a dramatic,yet reasonable, increase in scope.  I have railed against smokers now and again, sometimes claiming they are “stupid”, other times designating them as “idiots”, very rarely adjectifying them as “stupid idiots”.  I do this because the root cause that smoking bans attempt to solve is, in fact, the smokers, not the smoke.

Second hand tobacco may or may not be harmful to the non-smoking nation, heretofore referred to as “people”,  and the real threat to “people” are their arch-enemies, the “smokers”.  The ancient war of smokers vs. people is an odd conflict in that there is (generally) no actual fighting, and a very unique dynamic betwixt the warring tribes.

All members of society are inducted into the people side at birth.  They can be recruited by Big Tobacco anytime after the age of 6 (when their motor skills develop enough to flick a Bic lighter).  Once the ex-people become smokers their life bar drains two to three times faster.  They can, and often do, rejoin the people team often, but always for short stretches – never long enough to reset their life drain rate to normal. There is only one permanent method to escape the smoker collective, and it is usually accompanied by rigor mortis.

Actual statistics show that the vast majority of humans are people, but talk to a smoker and they will assure you that the sides are equal, if they acknowledge that people exist at all.  To the professional smoker (prosmo) every member of the people is just taking longer to figure out what prosmos already know: death is delicious.  You can always identify a prosmo by a single unmistakable characteristic: their voice.

Unlike other voices, the prosmo rasp (PSR) cannot be disguised.  Italian and German accents, all 904 dialects of Indonesian – even that most ghastly Southern Drawl – can be disguised with proper training.  The PSR cannot be evicted from its larygellical lair. In men, it sounds like a bass opera singer hitting his lowest note, played only from a subwoofer, whose cabinet has been filled with roofing nails.  In women it sounds like a male’s voice, with roofing nails shoved down his gullet.

The Ohio smoking ban has been in effect for quite some time, and yet I still find myself under assault from smokers in my favorite restaurants, shopping outlets and places of leisure.  We could fine them for verbal graffiti or lock them up for audio assault, but the key point is that people cannot be allowed to project their PSR at full volume (ie. 11) while I am trying to enjoy a tasty meal. That smoker sound sickens people, and I’m not about to lose my lunch because they think menthol tastes better than MSG.

Ever since the good old Dreamcast days, I have been in love with Soul Calibur. I remember the frustration of VMU data corruption and the subsequent 24-48 hours of solid playing in Quest Mode to regain all of the unlockable content. I remember the epic battle against Pincus to stay at the top of the time-attack scoreboard. I remember the parties I ignored, opting instead to play as many 8-on-8 Team VS matches as I could squeeze into a night. Soul Calibur was just an awesome gaming experience.

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I know you have all been eagerly awaiting the arrival of the fifth Tiny Godcast, but hold your fucking horses! You seem to have forgotten that episode four has to be released first. While you sit there and try to remember how to count, you can now listen to what many experts consider to be the most recent Tiny Godcast to date. These are exciting times we live in.

Your ears are about to be verbally assaulted by:

• Achievements are friggin’ sweet.
• Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog is well worth $4.
• Dark Knight discussion. (Some spoilers. Happens between 5:50-10:10)
• Christian Bale intends to alarm.
• To Big Cable: Down with bundled channels!
• Achievements haven’t become any less sweet.
• Flying Penises.
• Mandrake’s cat is sooooooo horny.

Get it here: tiny-godcast-ep4.mp3

I caught the midnight premiere and I can say that I enjoyed the new movie.  It’s just a very good episode story, set several years after the end of the series.  If you didn’t like the show, you won’t like this.  Conversely, fans of the show should be pretty happy, if not totally satisfied.  It is a “monster of the week” type of story, combining several X-files hot topics (the supernatural, mad science, religion!) without going into aliens or deep conspiracies.  Anyway, it’s a good movie and Scully with long hair is worth the price of admission.

• Stay for the credits for Unkle’s excellent remix of the theme song, free legal download available here. (Amazon)
• Stay all the way til the end of the credits; nothing major, but worth sitting for a few extra minutes.
• I can’t tell if there was a viral marketing campaign based around this stuff (vague link title, indirect spoilers inside!!)

Finally, please go see the movie.  Don’t see it for yourself, or for Chris Carter, Gillian Anderson or The Duchovny.  See it for me.  If you pay (ridiculous) ticket prices then they might make another movie, and that would make me happy.

The Tiny Gods WoW guild is going strong – we have FOUR members, with a total of 13 characters. We are progressing well through the game, and have had several feats of amazingness, such as tonight’s epic run through the Scarlet Monastery Library.

Being that we are in fact Tiny Gods, we saw fit to run this five man instance with just three people. That’s just how we roll. The awesome trio of Brucie, Masvida and Pickman plowed through the place, leaving none alive in our path. (more…)

If you want to post something on this site, you can.  If you have posting rights, where the hell are you?  If you don’t have posting privileges already, here’s how to get them.

• create an account on this site (you’ll only be able to write comments initially)
• email me (yoat42 at gmail) and say what username you want upgraded (and who you are, so I know)
• login and write a post

Simple enough, eh?  I want more people posting because I think, for the most part, the pantheon of Core Tiny Gods are exhausting our most pressing topics on the GodCasts.  I hunger for something new to read.  Gimme.

Incentive: I can personally guarantee you a readership numbering in the mid to low half-dozens.

And on the third(ish) week, the Tiny Gods looked down upon the Earth and said unto their people, “Let there be Godcast.” Thus did the inhabitants of the mortal realm come to know episode three of the Tiny Godcast, and it was good.

In this episode, you shall behold the following:

• Mandrake’s epic battle with the insect hordes
• A little more ditcy
• An angry Special Guest
• Natalie Portman’s nipples
• Terrible uses for the Spore Creature Creator

Get it here: tiny-godcast-ep3.m4a

The format of the Godcast has changed for this installment. Sullivan created an enhanced podcast that will give you, the faithful listener, some visuals if you are using a media player that takes advantage of such fanciness. Please let us know what you think of it in the comments.

I saw a Buick Lucerne commercial on the television last night and it was horrible, so now I will share the salient details with you all.

BOLD CLAIM: The Buick Lucerne has better (EPA estimated) gas mileage than its leading competitor.

BOLD TRUTH: the screen listed the Lucern at 25MPG in large print and in teensy tiny fine print in the bottom corner admitted that its competitor was at 24MPG.  You can drive over 460miles before you need to hit the pump. Wow!  Driving 12k miles per year (standard figure) that’s a miniscule 480 gallons vs a whopping 500 gallons, which saves you an amazing $80/year on ($4/gal) gas.  That’s major saving on your $30k+ car purchase!

BOLD CLAIM: The douchebag on-screen personality said that you’ll have to stop at the pump less, which is great for your wallet; so you can drive more!

BOLD TRUTH: the gas tank in this mother of a mover holds 18 and a half fucking gallons of gasoline.  So yeah, you won’t have to stop often!

IMPORTANT DETAIL: more fine print at the bottom allowed that if you DID lease this car and you DID drive over 10,000 miles a year you’ll get hit with a $0.25/mile extra fee.  At $4.00/gallon with a 25MPG car you’re paying $0.16/mile, and they will be more than happy to more than double that cost if you go over the lease mileage, which they heartily encourage you to do.

Car ads should be classified as crimes against humanity.

Background: I voted for the statewide cigarette smoking ban in Ohio. Last night I watched the “Second Hand Smoke/Baby Bullshit” episode of Penn & Teller: Bullshit!

While voting for the ban I was fully aware that I was saying Yes to limiting someone else’s freedom.  I certainly didn’t and don’t want them telling me what to and not to do, but that wasn’t on the ballot, eh?  My justifications for this vote were that I didn’t want people smoking in places I went to and that it would be a good way to wean people off of smoking altogether, which is a big improvement in my book, however arrogant of an attitude.  I didn’t really go for the 2nd hand smoke argument, simply because I don’t go out enough to take in that stuff, but I believed it.

After watching Penn & Teller I was surprised to learn that the 2nd hand smoke stats were totally misused (oxymoron? isn’t misusing stats the proper way to use them?) and that the increased chance of death is statistically insignificant.  I thought lots of people were getting emphysema and shit, but apparently not so much.  I feel kind of bad that I voted with a bunch of people who may have only been voting for the ban based on bad information.  That stinks.

However, there is no proof that the 2nd hand smoke was the only reason behind the yes votes.  What the ban was was a public referendum on the practice of smoking in public and/or the presence of smokers.  Clearly the outcome indicates that smokers are the minority, regardless of how misinformed the majority may be.  It’s entirely possible the masses just spoke up to put smoke down, without even a 2nd thought to the 2nd hand.

Regardless of how the decisions were, are, and will be made, I find fault with the Libertarians who claim that freedom trumps all.  The will of the masses trumps all, and in a democracy you’re going to be hard pressed to change that.  The will of the people is law, for better or worse.  Don’t claim businesses will suffer when everyone is on a level playing field and the majority has proclaimed its preference.  I’m actually a bit surprised smokers got the short end of the PR stick: R.J. Reynolds and Phil Morris have oodles of cash with which to “educate” the masses.

Anyway, if you have a problem you gotta take your civil liberties out and do some campaigning, if you’re not too out of breath.

So you listened to the first episode of the Tiny Godcast and you thought to yourself, “This is probably the best thing I’ve ever listened to in my entire life.” Well, this is your lucky day! Episode 2 is ready and waiting to be consumed by your fleshy mortal ears.

Ingredients:

• Chuck is playing WoW again?!?
• Chuck wants the rest of us to play WoW again?!?
• When advertisers attack.
• 100% of your Recommended Daily Value of Vitamin AWESOME! (serving size: one godcast)

Sullivan, Chuck, Pasty, and Mandrake are also accompanied by a new and improved Special Guest Starâ„¢!

Get it here: tiny-godcast-ep02.mp3