Arby’s has unshamed itself out of any future Hall of Shamings.  I am giving Arby’s a “Get Out of Shame Free” card.  Other TinyGods can dispute this, but doing so only proves that they have not yet tasted the Roast Burger. 

Here’s what some braniac at Arby’s’ Executive Chefatorium thought one day, presumably after putting down the bong but before getting off the futon: “I want a roast beef sammich, but I’ll be damned if I don’t ALSO want bacon. If only there was some way to have-” and then he blacked out from the concussive force of such a profound idea.

They took a burger and replaced the beef patty with roast beef.  That sounds like a nice idea, eh?  Some ‘maters, some lettuce, maybe some mayo on their already exquisite roast beefer.  But they didn’t stop there, friend, oh no.  They added that peppered bacon.  They added your choice of Bleu or Cheddar cheese.  Bleu fucking cheese on top of roast beef underneath bacon!

Could it get any better?  How about “Double the beef for a buck”?  What the fuck are you gonna do when somebody asks you if you want to double the roast beef for a mere dollar?  Say ‘No’?!?!

Let’s recap.

• Bacon Cheddar Roastburger
• All-American Roastburger
• Bacon & Bleu Roastburger

OK. I can handle that.  Just don’t throw any more surprises my way and I won’t freak- hey WTF does it say on top of this Roastburger box?  It’s got punchholes for the 3 above burgers, plus a hole for double beef.  But it’s also got:

• a mysterious “Special” box that might include anything from blood pudding to Jamocha shake
• a BBQ Bacon box, which makes my mouth water
• a BBC Bacon Cheddar box, which makes my mouth runneth over
• a Jalapeno BBQ Bacon box, which made me drool myself into dehydration

They are coming out with MORE tasty burgers.  MORE! TASTY! ROASTBURGERS!

The Natur.e inspired Green ASUS Bamboo. Please note that “Green” here does not refer to the color Green, but is a meaningless adjective describing a computer company.  

Green ASUS' Bamboo

The ASUS Bamboo Series notebooks are an intimate celebration of the beauty of bamboo and the power of nature. The series is a concept notebook from ASUS and marks Green ASUS’ commitment to the environment.

Someone explain to me how chopping down trees is environmentally friendly.  Using forests wood gives us a reason to keep around trees, just like we’d have made cows extinct if they didn’t taste so damn good.  But chopping a tree down and calling yourself Green is worse than a lie.  Here is a list of more lies that contain the word Green:

ASUS has created a strategy dubbed the “4 Green Home Runs” to deliver greener products for the consumer. The “Green Home Runs” are Green Design, Green Manufacturing, Green Procurement and Green Service and Marketing.

I understand how even forest fires are necessary to the survival of forests, but nobody is saying they are “environmentally friendly” forest fires.  Last I checked, nobody was calling the guy who started the wildfires in Australia a “Green” arsonist.  Killing trees and slapping them over a laptop case isn’t making the circuit boards any more biodegradable.  You can’t glue plywood to your aluminum siding and call it a log cabin.

The introduction of the Bamboo notebooks clearly demonstrates Green ASUS’ respect and commitment to the environment.

Clearly, your respect for Natur.e and Consume.rs goes unmatched.  Of course, if they really made a laptop touchpad out of wood then I take it all back and bow down before Green ASUS’ technological wizardry.

Picking up where the January post left off, this month brings us American born, Canadian raised Grace Park.  Ms. Park is best known for playing Lt. Sharon ‘Boomer’ Valerii in the reimagined Battlestar Galactica TV series, though she has had a handful of other roles, including a part in the videogame Command and Conquer 3: Tiberium Wars.  (more…)

2010 is almost upon us (for extremely large values of “almost”) and since the Cavs are heading into the MonoSodiumGlutamate building tonight I feel compelled to discuss why I am looking forward to 2010.  Is it because LeBron will be signing on as the star player, GM, head coach, and president of basketball operations for the New York Knickerbockers?  Hahahahell no.

I’m excited because, come 2010, I’m heading over the the Big Apple and I’m going Niko Bellic on every sports reporter in the city limits (and nearby Jersey!).  What I’m doing is I’m gonna wait until LeBron signs a max contract with the Cavs, silencing the Knickerbocker faithful and putting a massive STFU hex on the NYC Media Elite (including but not limited to: Stephen A. Smith).  And once they are stunned into silence I’m going to drink in said silence. Drink it in like a lukewarm glass of Tang on the International Space Station.

And after I’m full up on silence I’m gonna brutally murder every sad sack of shit that couldn’t keep his yapper shut about LBJ coming to NYC.  If “LeBron will be a Knick” came out of your mouth a hollowpoint is going back in.  I know what you’re thinking.  You’re thinking “Sure, New Yorkers all deserve to die, but why wait?”  Well aside from not wanting to drive up in the middle of winter, I have other good reasons for the delay.

The main reason I’m going to wait until after LeBron signs with us before dessimating the New York media is because the New York media is what will keep elite athletes out of New York come 2010.  In Cleveland, you’ve got to deal with Brian Windhorst‘s investigative sports journalism.  Frightening.  In New York, they pre-fracture your skull and toss you over the wall into the pen of 10 thousand mindless zombies all screaming the same thing.  Ask Jeter, he’ll testify.

So when you’re watching the game tonight and they won’t stop repeating that magic number, just remember that the New York media may seem shrill and loathsome now, but come 2010 God’s chosen people, the Ohioans, will be thanking them.

Update: Somebody muzzled the donkeys, ’cause B Wind didn’t hear any braying.  I almost apologize to you, NY media.  And I almost pity Knicks fans. Al-fucking-most. 

Update 2: Thank you, George Vecsey, for proving me right retroactively. And also for proving that New Yorkers can’t even comprehend team loyalty.

One thing he has noticed is the Garden fans’ willingness to cheer for an opponent who is having a brilliant night, the way they did for Bryant on Monday, or the way they did when James scored 50 last March.

Yes, I’m sure he can’t wait to play home games for arguably the worst defensive team for several years running.  The chance to play home games in an arena populated with fickle fans and sportswriters who skip covering NBA games to spread free agent rumors. 

After describing MSG as “such grim surroundings”, what exactly is it that NYers think is the draw to come WORK for the Knicks team?  What’s the fucking upside?

So, back in September I wrote up a post outlining the shows I was looking forward too in the new TV season.  Now that a few months have passed, I figured why not take a look at the shows, and see where things stand.

Prison Break – Season 4

As I said before, this one was borderline absurd in season three, and season 4 said to hell with borders and lines, we’re going all out absurd.   The first few episodes were pretty awful, so I stopped watching and haven’t looked back.

Entourage – Season 5

Entourage was fantastic, but short.  With just 12 episodes in the season, it was here and gone in a flash.  We got to see Vince at the lowest point in his career, meanwhile Ari was flying high and was offered the head position at a studio.  The season couldn’t end with Ari leaving the agent biz and Vince being Hollywood poison, so with things looking up for everybody, season six could be a happier time for the guys.

Heroes - Season 3

So, the “Villians” storyline was mediocre at best.  Pope gave up on the series pretty early, but I stuck with it, hoping it could turn itself around.  It was never able to live up to the past seasons however.  The “Fugitives” story kicked off last night, and it is looking to piss on the previous story lines and make us all hate the show.  It makes me sad.

The Office – Season 5

I’ve not watched the office this season, so nothing really to say here.

Chuck – Season 2

I’m happy with season 2 so far.  While some of the acting and dialogue might make you roll your eyes, for the most part all of the characters are enjoyable.  Some of the stories are bizarro, but there’s only so much you can do with the original plot device.  I’ll be curious what they do with the show moving forward, because you can only watch so many “OMG someone is trying to kill/kidnap chuck” episodes before it gets tired.

Lost – Season 5

We’ve had three episodes of Lost so far, and the jury is still out.  When you start delving into the space-time continuum, there really is no turning back.  If you aren’t careful, everything you’ve spent the last four years building up can come crashing down because of poor writing.  Here’s hoping the rest of the season is good.

As for shows that weren’t on my radar back in September…  I watched the first season of HBO’s new series True Blood, based on the Sookie Stackhouse/Southern Vampire series of books by Charlaine Harris.  It was all right, I’ll probably check out at least the first few episodes of the next season.  I also caught a few episodes of Fringe, which was getting a lot of comparisons to the x-files.  It didn’t really do anything for me, and I never watched the x-files, so I passed on this one.